The final game

So the HCS varsity girls basketball team had their last game of the season this past week. For those of you that don't know why this is important to me, I happen to be the head coach.





I would like to say that we ended the season at 500, won our last game, and went to the district playoffs.





But none of that is true.......and it is ok!



Because a lot more happened this season to impact me, more than any of the above things could have. And while there may be too many lessons for me to share in a simple blog I am going to try and express just a couple of the valuable LIFE lessons that I learned from a group of beautiful, high school girls. And it is my prayer that God used the season to teach them many valuable lessons as well.


Perserverance

In over 50% of our 16 games this season the girls were trailing by at least 8 points or more by halftime. As a coach it was sometimes hard for me to go into that halftime locker room "pep" talk knowing what to say, how to encourage them, and how to lift their spirits to perservere through. And it was even harder for me to think about going back to a second half of "torture" (ok I am being a bit dramatic).

But what I saw each time, after a time of reflection during the "pep talk", was a team that came out the second half and played harder then ever. What a joy as a coach to see girls not get down because they were facing defeat, but to try even harder. And what a reminder that no matter how rough things may be in life, if we just take that time to rest and reflect we can receive power and strength to perservere through anything.

Communication

Many times during a time out huddle on the sidelines I would ask the girls, "What do you think you need to be doing better out there?". (As a teacher you learn rather than just tell them, let them figure it out. Plus half the time what you tell them just goes in one ear and out the other. At least if they come up with it it has a better chance of staying in there). Almost everytime I presented this question to them the first comment they would respond with is "We need to talk more!".

Then we would break from the huddle ("Go Warriors"), they would go out on the court, start communicating and start playing better. But then they would forget the communication thing after a couple of minutes and not play as a team again. So then the next time out would come and I would say "Didn't we just talk about communicating more?" And they would say "Yes". And I would say "Well I haven't been seeing it enough"'. And they would agree. And we would break the huddle ("Go Warriors") and the cycle would continue.

Communication........no communication......communication......no communication.

BUT through it all I saw from the sidelines a valuable truth. When there was open and clear communication they would play as a team, working together, encouraging one another, and playing as one. And when I look at life no matter what the relationship is whether with a parent, a boss, a co-worker, a spouse, or a friend, these relationships can be just like my basketball team. When there is open and clear communication in relationships there is a unity and sense of oneness but when there is a lack of communication things can start to fall apart and players may get frustrated. Clear communication is key to so much in life.

Gentleness/Encouragement

One final lesson I would like to share came through me making mistakes as a coach. My goal every year as a coach is to not only teach the girls lessons about the game of basketball but about life. How to play with good attitudes no matter what is a big lesson I encourage as well as playing their hardest no matter what the scoreboard says and also being commited to the team and one another through practices and games.

And partly because of these "strong" coaching goals and partly because of me not being careful enough with my tongue, I had two instances that really made me aware of how words can hurt even when the mouth that utters them may mean them differently than they are taken.

The first lesson came when a girl showed up in my classroom with her ankle wrapped after a gym class incident, the day of a big game where we had a good chance of winning. My first thought when I saw her was man we really needed her in this game because she is a strong player. So what came out of my mouth was "Well I guess if we lose the game it will be your fault." Meaning to convey that we had really needed her in the game and it was a bummer that she couldn't play. But the words that I choose were not the words that I needed to say to show my heart. And what came out of my mouth was not taken well by her as she had taken my goal of commitment to practices and games very seriously and felt like she was letting me down. After a little crying and hugging and talking with her over my words, I came away realizing that the gentleness and encouragement that I had meant in my heart needed to come across better on the outside.

I learned this same lesson several weeks later when I got an email from a parent concerned not only with her child not playing much but her child's self-esteem. And as I read the email I began to think did I say or do anything that could have brought down this girl's well-being? Because as a coach I should have been doing nothing but encouraging her to grow and get better. And while I may have desired to do that in my heart I fear that my words may not have fully expressed exactly how I felt. My words of "I really know you can play harder than that" and "you played well but I know you can play even harder" may not have been the right approach or the words she really needed to hear. Words of gentleness and encouragement that I had in my heart needed to be said. And so I learned that I needed to really express clearly to others my heart through my words and actions. To show them the love that really lay behind all the coach talk.

So from a season record of 3-13 came a much better season of learning for a high school girl's basketball coach.