Thursday, May 31, 2007

When, what, where?

I don't know...........

But what I do know.....................the joy of knowing God will bring all things together in His perfect timing.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007


Have you ever had feelings that you don't want but just keep struggling with to let go of?

For me it is bad feelings towards another who has not wronged me in any way and has no idea that I might have these feelings Rather the feelings come from insecure and jealous thoughts within my own mind that have created emotional anger within me towards this person. I take these thoughts and twist them so much within my brain that I come up with scenerios that my mind tells me could really be realities that then cause the feelings to become deeper.

What is left is a twisted web and mess much like a knotted and twisted ball of yarn. I want the string to be loose and free between me and that person but I feel like I have twisted and tied so many knots in our connection that all that is left between us is this huge twisted ball. And when I think of this person or am with this person I can't really see that person or know them because they are hidden behind this massive ball that I can't seem to move.

And it's true I can't move it. It is too heavy for me to bear. And I can't take every knot and analyze it and untie it. It would be too hard to do and take too much time and most likely just end up in even more of a knotted mess. There is just no way for me to humanly get around it.

I know without a doubt the only way for it to be free and untied is for me to place it in God's hands. To let the Spirit control and free my thoughts and to turn the sinful feelings and emotions over to God as soon as they come. It is much easier to say than to do but I know it is a process. With each step a knot will be undone through the Spirit till there is nothing but the freedom of a connection to this person through God's love.

You, my brother, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command Love your neighbor as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

>>Galation 5:13-15>>

God please grant me this desire and freedom which is only possible through your power.

Monday, May 7, 2007

The joys of love

I had the joy this past weekend of going to one of my best friend's weddings. We really have not been able to see each other much in the years since college because of distance and everday life, but as I sat in the pew during the cermony I felt like it had only been days since the nights we would sit around and talk about this very moment (falling in love and getting married). It seems like just yesterday that she was listening to my wailings of hopeless crushes and comforting me in the thoughts that someday God would bring that special man created just for me into my life. It would happen at just the right time and at just the right moment when I would be ready to share a life-time of love and happiness built on both of our loves for Christ.

In all actuality it has been 6 years since those late night talks. And I'm sure if I asked my friend if during those 6 years if felt like time was flying until she met her future husband she would say something like "I never thought this moment would come". I know I have felt that way many times in my years as a single adult since college graduation. But sitting there watching that beautiful moment with my friend smiling into the eyes of her love, tears filled my eyes. Because I knew that sometimes the greatest joys, the most beautiful blessings come after WAITING. What may seem like endless years of loneliness or hopelesness to us are just passing days brining us closer to that long awaited answer to prayer. And just passing moments growing us into the person we are meant to be when that day does arrive.
As I continue to wait for that day when my life is joined with another in a life-time of love I know 6,7 or 8 years will be nothing. I have these years to become the person God wants me to be. And I know without a doubt that waiting on God's hand and not my own to bring a human love into my life is worth every minute of waiting. Because on Saturday I saw not only my friend happy about having found her boy but a beautiful woman ready to spend a life-time of love with the man God made for her.