A few days ago I went to the doctor for the 1st big checkup.........time to see baby #2. I had missed my period and had a positive pregnancy test and things seemed to be falling into place. I told my husband before I left I should be home with pictures and we both smiled.
So as I sat looking at the ultrasound in the exam room watching the doctor point at an empty dark spot where my baby should have been I wasn't really sure what to feel. Happy? Since as the doctor said there may have been something wrong at conception and the embryo never developed? Sad? Because I was never to know a baby that could have been? Scared? Because I would have to have a surgical procedure done to remove all the tissue that my body was continuing to develop thinking I was pregnant? I actually just sat there looking at the empty black hole and thinking that was kind of how I felt. Empty.
Thankfully my "empty" feeling didn't last long. Within seconds I felt the reassuring peace and comfort of the Spirit telling me it is all in God's hands. I found that as I let the Spirit fill me the emptiness turned into an overflow of peace.
Peace knowing God is in control of every aspect of our lives and we can be without worry or fear knowing His direction and control is perfect. And peace knowing even when the direction of life may not be what we expect we can know God will fill us with the deepest joy in the end. And peace knowing there is hope for a future filled with new possibilities and joys and normal ultrasounds.
No matter what the emptiness - Don't let the emptiness consume you. Be thankful the blessings and joys you have in the present and live in every moment. Know God has a perfect plan for your life all in His timing. And let the Spirit be your source of truth and comfort.
1 comment:
I just read this entry, and I just want to say, I understand the feelings, and they are ALL normal. I hope, 6 weeks out, that you are feeling better, physically, and that God is healing you in other ways too. It is hard to accept broken dreams! I had an ectopic pregnancy last summer, and it was a lot harder to handle emotionally than I might have thought before! Now, just a few weeks out from my due date with a subsequent child, I still think about what might have been. God does not make mistakes, and I just try to remember that. Not easy, I know. But, HE never changes and that is a comfort when things go wrong!
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